Celebrity Dirt: Celebrities Graded

Snookie gets booed on live TV?!? WTF??!?

2010-02-06T16:45:00.000-05:00

Sweet Sword Skills!!!

2010-02-06T16:30:00.001-05:00

This guy is your new bestie.

Week of 2-8-10 on the Party Playhouse

2010-02-06T16:13:00.003-05:00

PLUS... we'll talk with Lady Gaga too!

(Any guesses off Andrew's hint who Thursday's "Mystery Celebrity Guest Requester" will be? I'm thinking it'll be a pimply computer nerd trying to sell Noxema Pads.)

Adam Lambert performs at AMAs

2009-11-23T11:04:00.003-05:00

Adam Lambert made his debut performance (as an actual signed artist, obviously) last night at the AMAs. And by performance, I mean he pretty much had a gangbang on-stage for 4 minutes. He madeout with a chick, grabbed another chick's vag, simulated a blowjob with some dude, and did a lot of Michael Jackson pelvic thrusts.

I'm gonna give this a minus 4 just because...well...I feel violated. And I don't mean my views on appropriate stuff, because God knows I'm uber inappropriate. But I literally feel like I just watched clothed porn.

P.S. No straight guy would've gotten away with any of the stuff he did onstage without backlash. And I'm still creeped from the virtual skullf*cking he did onstage with that dude.

Rihanna and Gaga leave little to the imagination

2009-11-23T10:41:00.002-05:00

Sending some plus 5 love to the crazy ass wardrobe (or lack thereof) that Lady Gaga and Rihanna rocked at the AMAs last night during their performances.

I still don't get how Gaga can wear something like that and not have her schlong bulge out at all. Super duper duct tape, maybe?

Taylor Swift and MJ kill it at the AMAs

2009-11-23T10:30:00.003-05:00

Gotta give love and plus 10 to Taylor Swift and Michael Jackson, who combined for a total of 9 victories at the American Music Awards last night. Taylor took home 5 while MJ took 4 to the grave (for a total of 23 in his career, which is the most ever by an artist).

They were actually tied at 4 a piece before Taylor edged MJ out for Artist of the Year. High-five to both.

J-Lo falls on her ass

2009-11-23T10:23:00.002-05:00

Plus 6 goes to Jennifer Lopez for taking a total digger on her ass during her performance last night at the American Music Awards. I was too busy watching Goodfellas and The Departed, but when I flipped the channel for 14 seconds and saw that, I smiled.

Thanks for the entertainment, J-Lo!

Mariah Carey remix

2009-11-16T10:45:00.003-05:00

I'm surprised it took 15 years for this to happen, but plus 2 for a remix of Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas Is You song coming out over the weekend. It's been remixed as a dance track, and I listened to about a minute of it...it's not too bad. I dig the beat and what they did with the track, I just can't stand the song (or her) so I had to stop listening. But I approve.

Check it out here.

Couples Retreat posters in UK

2009-11-16T10:35:00.003-05:00

Minus 8 to whoever makes the movie posters in the United Kingdom, because they left out the black couple in the posters for Couples Retreat. They said it was no hard feelings and they just wanted to "simplify" the posters.

Some PR dude is out of a job over there, I'll tell you that much.

Dave Letterman and wife step out

2009-11-16T10:29:00.002-05:00

I'm no Channing Tatum, but I gotta give a minus 4 to Dave Letterman's wife Regina for not looking all that attractive. I mean, props to him for going to for someone who must have a kickass personality since he could've done the whole "rich guy dates hot tanned blonde" deal, but yeah...not feelin her.

Then again, her name is Regina, so at least her name matches her looks.

Ashlee Simpson defends Jessica

2009-11-16T10:24:00.001-05:00

Gotta give a plus 3 to Ashlee Simpson for basically telling the press to f*ck off when it comes to her older sister. The media has been all over Jessica's weight like flies on sh*t, and Ash is telling them that her sister is a sexy lady.

I fully agree. Anyone who thinks Jessica is fat is a frickin lunatic.

Brangelina "date night"

2009-11-16T10:19:00.003-05:00

Brad and Angelina had a "date night" over the weekend and went to an art gallery to check out some paintings and shizz.

Minus 5 points for this TOTALLY not being a date night but actually being a reason to get some pics from the paparazzi. Losers.

Hootie wins a CMA!

2009-11-12T11:35:00.002-05:00

HUGE congratulations and plus 7 go out to Darius Rucker (you know him better as Hootie) for not only being able to crossover from Pop to Country and win a CMA, but also being the very first African-American to win a CMA ever.

That reeks of total stellarocity, and I just decided I'm naming my first-born son Hootie.

Taylor Swift is CMA Entertainer of the Year

2009-11-12T11:28:00.003-05:00

Plus 15 goes out to total cutie Taylor Swift for racking up a bunch of awards last night at the CMAs, including the ultimate honor -- Entertainer of the Year. Check out her win and speech below, which just totally reeked of stellarocity.

Congrats, T-Swizzle! You deserve it.

Carrie Prejean almost walks out on Larry King

2009-11-12T11:20:00.003-05:00

Minus 8 goes out to Carrie Prejean for being the most annoying and douchebaggy guest on Larry King Live last night. While Larry was starting the interview, he asked a question about her lawsuit settlement and she kept refusing to answer. After being shot down a few times, he moved onto a caller, which is when Carrie started taking her mic off and said she was leaving the interview.

Check out the video below and what a stuck up biatch Carrie was being. The thing I don't get -- if you don't wanna talk about anything THAT YOU WRITE ABOUT IN YOUR BOOK, why the hell are you on the show in the first place? Dumb whore.

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Kanye spoof at CMAs

2009-11-12T11:06:00.002-05:00

Plus 9 points to Carrie Underwood, Brad Paisley, and 88-year-old Little Jimmy Dickens for spoofing Kanye's interruption of Taylor Swift at the VMAs a few months ago last night at the Country Music Awards. Carrie was talking up Brad's video for Welcome to the Future, when Little Jimmy came up and pulled a Kanye. Check it out below, capped off by one of the best lines Brad will ever say in his lifetime.

Geena Davis looks awful

2009-11-12T10:58:00.002-05:00

I used to think Geena Davis was hot back when she was in Thelma and Louise and A League of Their Own. But she gets minus 8 points for looking like she's been celebrating Thanksgiving a little early. Seriously, it looks like she swallowed a turkey whole...without chewing.

Josh Radnor and Lindsay Price split up

2009-11-12T10:54:00.002-05:00

Josh Radnor, who plays Ted Mosby on How I Met Your Mother, is back on the market after he and girlfriend Lindsay Price decided to split up. They've been dating since she guest-starred on the show back in August 2008.

Minus 2 to Josh for having as much luck in love as his character on the show does (which is none.)

Jon Gosselin Funny or Die video

2009-11-12T10:47:00.002-05:00

This video woulda been totally badass if it was a Jon Gosselin look-a-like who was making fun of the real guy, but it's not. It's just giving him more exposure, which annoys the piss outta me, so Funny or Die gets a minus 7 for feeding the attention whore.

Jon Gosselin Goes Back in Time from Jon Gosselin

High-five for Taylor Lautner's haircut

2009-11-12T10:35:00.003-05:00

You know when you see a dude with long hair that looks so stupid that you wish he'd get it caught in a blender? Well plus 3 goes out to Taylor Lautner for going clean cut as Jacob in New Moon this time around.

Seriously, he looks so idiotarded with long hair that I almost wish this happened to him.

Lady Gaga Bad Romance video

2009-11-12T10:32:00.001-05:00

Well, Gaga might have a twinkie between her thighs, but she gets a plus 5 for an awesomely weird video for Bad Romance. She debuted it on Tuesday, but I was a little busy yesterday so I didn't get to post it. So here ya go if you haven't seen it yet.

Fergie's done with girls

2009-11-11T10:45:00.003-05:00

Fergie is giving the ole heave-ho to hooking up with chicks now that she's married to Josh Duhamel. She said that she's had some amazing times with girls and that she doesn't regret them, but that she's not going to have an affair.

Funny, since there's rumors about her husband plowing a stripper making the rounds like crazy. Minus 4 for her getting played, and minus 8 for her kinda looking like Courtney Love in this pic, for a total of minus 12.

Julianne Hough is single!

2009-11-11T10:27:00.001-05:00

I feel bad that Chuck Wicks dropped Julianne Hough yesterday, but at the same time...plus 5 for one of the sweetest girls that totally rocks the girl next door look being back on the market.

Plus...rumor has it the dude used her to get thrust into the limelight. Jackass.

Tracy Morgan pisses people off

2009-11-10T11:17:00.002-05:00

A bunch of peeps walked out on a Tracy Morgan stand-up routine on Friday night at Carnegie Hall after they said he was getting too raunchy and inappropriate. He apparently made jokes about Obama and his wife putting out the first Presidential sex tape, drugs, sex acts, and porno.

Minus 6 to everyone who walked out for being a huge bunch of vag-bags. You know what you paid for...deal with it.

Carrie Prejean speaks about sex tape

2009-11-10T11:06:00.004-05:00

Carrie Prejean was on FOX News yesterday afternoon and dished the dirt about the sex tape that she was threatened with by the Miss California USA organization. She said that it's actually a solo video that she made herself back when she was a teenager and sent to her boyfriend. She said she never thought it'd get out.

I know this may shock you since I've pretty much crapped on her ever since she entered the limelight, but plus 8 to Carrie for being one of those outgoing girls that tries to keep the flame alive. I mean, you're still a total idiotarded whore, Carrie, but I'll give credit where it's due.

Joel Madden walks out on interview

2009-11-10T11:01:00.002-05:00

Joel Madden walked out on a radio interview with a station in Australia yesterday after the hosts pissed him off. The hosts were trying to test the whole twins' intuition theory by blindfolding Benji and having Joel hold up a picture of Britney Spears getting out of the car with no panties on (and showing her horribly disgusting vagina). Joel got pissy and up and left mid-way through the interview.

Minus 5 points for being a bigger and more grotesque vagina than Britney's is. Have a sense of humor, man.

Tiffani Thiessen is pregnant!

2009-11-10T10:54:00.003-05:00

Zack Morris is gonna be PISSSSEEEEDDDDDD...KELLY KAPOWSKI IS PREGNANT!! Big congratulations and plus 6 goes out to Tiffani Thiessen for being knocked up and expecting her first baby with hubby Brady Smith in May.

Although...I got a conspiracy theory. I don't think Brady is the father... KELLY AND SCREECH?!?!

Christian Serratos PETA poster

2009-11-10T10:46:00.001-05:00

I can't stand PETA, but Christian Serratos from Twilight gets a plus 5 for obvious reasons.

Katt Williams arrested

2009-11-10T10:33:00.002-05:00

Katt Williams was arrested early yesterday morning after breaking into a house in Atlanta and stealing a bunch of stuff, including some jewelry.

I was gonna have this story fail, but then I saw his mugshot and HAD to give it a plus 3. Dude looks so satisfied -- you can't help but laugh. And speaking of laugh, check out one of my favorite Katt stand-up routines (definitely NSFW.)

Eva Mendes new Calvin Klein billboard

2009-11-09T11:17:00.002-05:00

So this is the billboard that you'll see hanging up in New York City if you're walking through the infamous SoHo neighborhood, and it's creating tons of controversy. Some people think it's fine, some people think it's sexy, and some people think it's gonna cause accidents.

I say plus 8 because I've always been a fan of pushing the envelope. Plus, what straight guy in his right mind doesn't wanna see Eva Mendes barely clothed and sweaty?

Marla Sokoloff ties the knot

2009-11-09T11:10:00.002-05:00

Congrats goes out to Marla Sokoloff for tying the knot over the weekend to her longtime boyfriend Alec Puro (drummer for the band Deadsy).

She also gets a plus 2 in luck for it being a slow gossip day, since this is the biggest thing she's done since The Practice went off the air.

Taylor Swift kills it on SNL

2009-11-09T11:02:00.002-05:00

So Taylor Swift double-dipped as both guest host and musical act for Saturday Night Live this past weekend, and I gotta say, she killed it. Her monologue was hilarious (she "wrote a song" about all the stuff she wouldn't talk about), and she spoofed Kate Gosselin and kinda made it obvious how fake she is.

Plus 5 goes to my new country crush. No, seriously...she's almost 20 -- it's okay now. Check out a couple videos of her performance.

Susan Boyle will be on Dancing with the Stars

2009-11-09T10:41:00.002-05:00

Susan Boyle will be appearing on Dancing with the Stars, but thankfully for anyone with eyeballs that can actually see, we won't have to watch her cut a rug. She's gonna be performing I Dreamed a Dream on an upcoming episode.

Minus 4 for really no other reason than I feel like the whole Susan Boyle ship has sailed. Anyone else agree?

Lamar Odom wants a baby

2009-11-09T10:34:00.002-05:00

Huge high-five and plus 7 goes out to Lamar Odom, who was on Chelsea Lately and shocked the hell outta his wife Khloe Kardashian when he answered a question about wanting a baby. He said that he wants to have one soon and right away...and after it looked like she just saw a ghost touching another ghost in the peespot, she said "Okay."

I'm thinkin Lamar doesn't really care if he they have kids or not, he just wants to do the dirty all the time. Check out the video of the whole deal below...fast forward to 4:30ish if you like it quick and painless.

Chris Brown responds to Rihanna's interview

2009-11-09T10:26:00.002-05:00

Rihanna's full interview with Diane Sawyer about Chris Brown beating her aired on 20/20 this past Friday night, and Breezy already released a statement reacting to it. Long story short, C*ckbag Brown said he respects Rihanna's right to speak, but thinks it should remain a private matter.

Yeah, he thinks it should remain a private matter because he's a total assh*le and doesn't want his record sales to be killed by people constantly be reminded what a tough guy woman-beater he is. Minus 54 and a go f*ck yourself, Breezy.

Rihanna on Good Morning America

2009-11-05T11:33:00.002-05:00

Gotta give plus 100 to Rihanna for starting to break her silence on the whole Chris Brown situation. The beating went down in February, and she's finally starting to talk out about it, and it's a tough subject. Check out the first part of the interview right here, another part tomorrow morning on Good Morning America, and the full interview on 20/20 tomorrow night.

Hey Breezy, you're a f*cking bastard.

Taylor Swift SNL promos

2009-11-05T11:24:00.001-05:00

So Taylor Swift is pulling double-duty as host and musical guest of Saturday Night Live this weekend. I'll post 3 promos below, but she gets plus 2 for the second one for having a good enough sense of humor to go with the joke.

Lindsay Lohan calls her dad a loser

2009-11-05T11:18:00.003-05:00

Shoutout, props, and plus 5 goes out to Lindsay Lohan for calling her dad a loser after he released edited tapes of her pleas to him for help. Ya know, I've trashed her in the past, but I give her credit for trying to keep all her feelings about him and the issues out of the limelight, but finally setting the record straight.

He's an uber-douche, and you can check out her Tweets below (read from bottom to top.)

Natalie Portman covers V magazine

2009-11-05T11:14:00.003-05:00

Plus 8 goes out to Natalie Portman for looking INSANELY HOT and a little wild in the December issue of V magazine.

Sandra Bullock and Jesse James fight for custody

2009-11-05T11:02:00.003-05:00

The hotness that is Sandra Bullock and her badass husband Jesse James get a plus 4 from me for going after full custody of Jesse's 5-year-old daughter Sunny. Sunny is the product of Jesse's marriage to Janine Lindemulder, who was just in a jail for a bit for tax evasion.

Props go to Sandra and Jesse for trying to keep Sunny away from a jailbird of a mother who clearly tries to cheat and cut corners. Real good role model there. (Plus I don't like her because seeing her with that glove just makes me think of someone saying "Turn your head and cough...while I squeeze the hell outta your balls.")

Carrie Prejean sex tape

2009-11-05T10:44:00.001-05:00

I love when people look like total douchebags, and that's why I'm giving Carrie Prejean a plus 6 for putting up such a fuss and saying how she was treated so unfairly by the Miss California Pageant team, yet when the show her clips of A SEX TAPE SHE MADE, she drops her lawsuit.

Can't wait for that sh*t to hit the Internet so we can all make fun of how douchebaggerific she is.

Kim Kardashian boxes for charity

2009-11-05T10:38:00.002-05:00

Kim Kardashian stepped in the ring for charity the other night and got her ass knocked out. Now normally, I'd let her prevail on this one, but after the fight, she said she had a black eye and decided to take a pic of it to post on her website.

Minus 5 to Kimmy because it annoys the piss out of me when people take pics of their injuries just to get some attention and for people to feel bad. "Oh I broke my nose...look at the X-rays!" Not to mention it looks like Kim has eyeshadow on, and not a black eye.

Joanna Krupa sticks up for Playboy

2009-11-04T11:22:00.002-05:00

Joanna Krupa gets plus 3 from me for blasting prudish women everywhere that bitch and moan about celebs and other chicks taking it all off for the pages of Playboy. Joanna said it's really no different than Kate Winslet stripping down for a nude scene in a movie.

And I fully agree -- so screw you, prudes.

2 couples voted off Dancing with the Stars last night

2009-11-04T11:14:00.003-05:00

Totally throwing out a minus 12 to all of you for not voting to keep Iron Chef America star Mark Dacascos on Dancing with the Stars last night. After performing Monday night without his partner Lacey since she was uber sick, he was voted off along with former NFL star Michael Irvin and his partner Anna Demidova.

Okay, so I have a mini man-crush on Mark...ZIP IT!

Jon Gosselin walks out on Hailey Glassman during interview

2009-11-04T11:08:00.002-05:00

So in keeping up with his attention whoreness and total douchebaggery, Jon Gosselin walked off the set of an interview that he and Hailey Glassman were having on Entertainment Tonight (that will actually air on tonight's episode) after Hailey asked if they were breaking up on national TV. Jon stormed off and said he wasn't going to deal with that now, but then later said he and Hailey are taking a break to see where things go.

I might've backed Hailey in the post about her and Perez, but she gets a minus 7 here for not dumping this total vagbag's ass yet.

Did Josh Duhamel cheat on Fergie?

2009-11-04T11:03:00.002-05:00

For the last few days, there's been a ton of rumors flying around that Josh Duhamel cheated on his wifey Fergie Ferg with a stripper. He keeps denying it, but the media keeps giving him the full court press on it. His rep said that the stripper was paid a good chunk of change by someone to make up the lies.

I wasn't sure what to grade this, because I'm not entirely sure I believe the dude. Strippers don't just randomly come outta nowhere and say they hooked up with you if you've never been to the strip club, ya know?

Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin co-hosting Oscars

2009-11-04T10:58:00.002-05:00

Super jacked up to hear that Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are gonna tag team the hosting duties of the Oscars early next year. Not that Hugh Jackman didn't do well last year, but I think throwing out 2 super funny fellas as the co-hosts will totally boost ratings and just make a boring awards show enjoyable.

Plus 6 to this chunk of stellarocity!

Hailey Glassman gives the big FU to Perez

2009-11-04T10:28:00.003-05:00

Dear Hailey Glassman,

I'm giving you a plus 8 for totally ripping on Perez Hilton's douchebag ass on Twitter yesterday. Seeing that you wrote, "Look Perez, you make a living off telling lies and trying to associate yourself with anyone who is in the media for press. We should all just call you Michael Lohan. You're the gay version of Michael Lohan" to him seriously made me start crushing on you. Hard. Let's chat, k?

Love,
Jadd

P.S. I don't come with a super amount of baggage, a whore-bitch of an ex-wife, and 8 kids. Just sayin.

Lady Gaga kills photographer

2009-11-04T10:24:00.003-05:00

Okay, so she didn't straight up murder someone, but does anyone else find it funny that Gaga shows up to ACE Awards rocking a black veil (which broads usually wear at funerals), and minutes after photographer A.J. Sokalner took her pic, he dropped dead?

Just sayin...this gets plus 5 because I don't wanna piss Gaga and her voodoo powers off.

Leona Lewis' horrible picture

2009-11-03T11:11:00.003-05:00

I wanna start this off by saying that I think Leona Lewis is a knockout and quite possibly one of the best-looking girls I've ever laid eyes on. That being said, I'm giving her a minus 8 for having this HORRIBLY unflattering pic of her hit the 'Net. Seriously...it looks like someone ran up on stage and gave her a donkey punch to the nose (okay, so if you know what a donkey punch is, you know it can't be given to the nose...but just go with my flow here).

I suppose part of the minus 8 can also go to the fact that she had to write lyrics on her hand during her first solo show.

Kate Winslet wins lawsuit

2009-11-03T11:06:00.002-05:00

Kate Winslet just won a lawsuit against a British tabloid that ran a story calling Kate Winslet "the World's Most Irritating Actress" and said she was lying about her workout routines. Apparently, that offended Kate enough to sue.

Minus 6 for being a huge vagina, Kate. You may be hot, but that's just...ugh. I hope a Real Housewife of Georgia bitch slaps you.

Rihanna interview with Diane Sawyer

2009-11-03T10:59:00.002-05:00

Thursday morning on Good Morning America and Friday night on 20/20, Rihanna is sitting down for an interview with Diane Sawyer to FINALLY break her silence about what happened with Chris Brown the night before the Grammys almost a year ago. I'm not sure if it's going to be a 2-part interview, or they're going to show a clip of it on Good Morning America and the whole thing on 20/20, but either way, I think this is what we've all been waiting for.

Plus 5 to RiRi for getting the courage to come out and talk about it, and also give women out there a heads up that something this horrible can happen to you. (Wow, I really HATE having a serious tone...so I'll end it with -- hot new hair, Rihanna!)

Kate Gosselin special

2009-11-03T10:54:00.003-05:00

So the hour-long special Kate, Her Story aired on TLC last night. I didn't watch it, and I hope most of you didn't either since it's just another crack at the Gosselins becoming total attention whores, and the more we buy into their sh*t, the more they'll be in our faces. (Says the guy who's writing about them right now)

Kate talked about a lot of things, including how she treated Jon like trash. And normally I'd give her credit for it, but she's clearly just throwing on tears for ratings and for people to feel bad for her, and Jon sucks too, so I really don't care about either of them. I just feel REALLY bad for the kids.

Minus 10 for this whole sh*tshow, and I'm hoping it goes away SOON. Check out the special below, because even though I hate both of them, I love you all.

Chris Brown's new album cover

2009-11-03T10:44:00.002-05:00

So Chris Brown unveiled the cover art for his new album Graffiti. I'll admit -- I think the album cover is SICK. I dunno why, I just think it's dope and it kinda reminds me of a Michael Jackson album cover.

That said, minus 8 because Chris Brown is still a f*cking douchebag p*ssy, whether he has sick cover art or not.

Russell Brand isn't a slut anymore

2009-11-03T10:34:00.003-05:00

So word has it that Katy Perry has actually turned Russell Brand into a good little Christian boy and actually made him stop being a male slut. I'm not really sure why anyone finds this shocking -- Katy reeks of sex appeal and nymphomania. If you were with someone that's uber hot and loves to get wild in the bedroom, would you feel the need to be a slut? Yeah, me neither.

Minus 3 points for Russell getting to touch Katy where she goes tinkle, just because I'm horribly jealous.

Lindsay Lohan slams her father on Twitter

2009-11-02T10:46:00.003-05:00

Shoutout to Lindsay Lohan with a side of plus 4 points after she totally slammed her father on Twitter. LiLo got a call from her sister Ali about why their father is basically being a total pr*ck to the entire family, and took to Twitter to vent. You can check out what she said below (read from bottom to top).

Like I said, plus 4 for telling it like it is after YEARS of trying to not talk about it at all in the public eye and keep it underwraps.

Jon Gosselin is apparently a Jew now

2009-11-02T10:39:00.002-05:00

No lie...minus one f*cking million points to Jon Gosselin for finally making me snap. I can't believe I got his back with this whole divorce thing started going down, saying that he was trying to stay out of the public while Kate was going all attention-whore on the world, because he's just as bad as that broad.

Yesterday, he was sitting outside a synagogue doing an open Q&A for the public with a Rabbi. JON...GO THE F*CK AWAY...ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU'RE NOT EVEN A JEW!

Robert Pattinson not dating Kristen Stewart

2009-11-02T10:35:00.001-05:00

In the December issue of Vanity Fair magazine, Robert Pattinson straight up says that he's not dating his Twilight saga co-star Kristen Stewart.

Dude...minus 6 for this even still being an issue. Who the hell cares so much if they're dating or not?

Adam Lambert dumps boyfriend

2009-11-02T10:25:00.002-05:00

I'm just sayin...anyone else find it funny that as soon as his single drops, Adam Lambert dumps his boyfriend Drake LaBry? Yet during the whole Idol process and stuff, they were all smiles?

Minus 3 for being a diva, Glambert.

Victoria Beckham's new look

2009-11-02T10:13:00.002-05:00

New look on the left (from the Lakers game the other night), compared to some older pic on the right where she looks like an overtanned open bumhole.

Plus 7 for the new look, Posh...definitely a lot hotter.

Chaz Bono is huge

2009-10-29T11:32:00.002-04:00

I'm just sayin, and I mean no disrespect...but Chaz Bono is f*cking huge. Like...he should go on The Biggest Loser huge.

Minus 3 for a double chin that could probably feed a couple starving third world countries.

Hailey Glassman talks Jon Gosselin

2009-10-29T11:18:00.003-04:00

Minus 3 points to Jon Gosselin not only being as big of an attention whore as his soon-to-be ex-wife Kate is being, and apparently being an assh*le boyfriend at the same time. Hailey Glassman is going to be on The Insider tonight talking about Jon's "mantrums" and how she's being uber emotionally abused. I couldn't put the video up in this post, but you can go check it out here.

Jon, you suck...go the f*ck away. Please.

Preview of Britney's "3" video

2009-10-29T10:46:00.002-04:00

Gotta give Britney a plus 5 for looking super hot (as always...well...minus the meltdown era and her disgusting vagina) in her new video for 3. The full video drops tomorrow, but I got my hands on a few stills, plus a quick clip, which you can check out here.

MJ's autopsy photo being released

2009-10-29T10:37:00.003-04:00

Word has come down to me that a picture of Michael Jackson on the autopsy table may be released really soon. The pic is just of MJ's face and shows his shaved head, his eyes open, and no makeup on him at all since it had been washed off.

Minus 20 to whatever douchebag is going to release this. Let the guy rest in peace, huh? And think of his kids...how fantastic (sarcasm) would it be for them to randomly come across a pic of their father dead on a slab looking uber creepy and...well, dead?

Jon Gosselin and Octomom NOT teaming up

2009-10-29T10:31:00.003-04:00

Rumors were flying around yesterday that Jon Gosselin and Octomom were going to team up for a reality show based on being single parents of about 4,234,123 little brats. THANKFULLY I can say that this is uber false, and Jon even dropped a "Hell no!" when Octomom said she thought he was hot.

Minus 8 to my eardrums, which started bleeding when I heard about the possibility of this tag team.

Brangelina behind the scenes

2009-10-29T10:22:00.002-04:00

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are having a behind-the-scenes book published about them that'll be out around the Holidays that follows their lives off of the big and small screens, and also contradicts what douchebag bloggers like us write about.

Minus 4 because I really don't give a rat's ass what Brangelina does behind closed doors, especially if it involves no clothes, or a banana hammock and a smile.

Abby Rike voted off Biggest Loser

2009-10-28T11:19:00.002-04:00

Last night's episode of The Biggest Loser was really bittersweet -- during the last chance workout, we saw Abby Rike finally realize she found herself and remembered how to live again instead of going through the motions after the horrific accident that took the lives of her husband and their 2 children. But after the Black team lost the weigh-in, Abby sacrificed herself for the team, saying that she knows she's where she needs to be mentally and she's going to be okay.

Plus 1 million points go to Abby for overcoming something that I know there's no way about 98% of us never could, and for kicking her own ass at the same time and dropping over 80 pounds. Here's hoping you can win the at-home contest, Abby...you deserve it!

Andre Agassi loves him some meth

2009-10-28T11:15:00.001-04:00

Andre Agassi admits in his new book Open that back in the 90's when he needed an escape, he'd always turn to some meth.

No score for this because it has no real impact now, not to mention if I was married to someone that looks as manly as Steffi Graf, I'd probably need some drugs too.

Corey Feldman divorcing

2009-10-28T11:02:00.002-04:00

Word dropped yesterday that Corey Feldman's INSANELY gorgeous wife, Susannah, has filed for divorce and is looking for sole custody of their 5-year-old son with visitation rights for Corey.
Minus 2 points to Corey for being an idiot and letting a girl that looks anything like she does go. Total knockout.

Michelle Obama Glamour cover

2009-10-28T10:43:00.002-04:00

Michelle Obama is on the cover of the new Glamour magazine, and it gets a minus 7 from me for no other reason than me being f*cking SICK AND TIRED of the Obamas' being all over the media. They're all over mag covers, all over TV shows -- I'm SICK OF IT. I get it...first black President, big deal...yippie skippie.

You were elected to be President, not a bigger f*cking attention whore than Kate Gosselin and Octomom and everyone in between.

Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair returning to wrestling?

2009-10-28T10:34:00.002-04:00

Wrestling fans, get ready...Hulkamania is RETURNING!! News broke yesterday that Hulk Hogan inked a deal with TNA, and he's apparently appearing on iMPACT! tomorrow night! On top of that, he's also bringing Eric Bischoff (former President of WCW) with him, and there's also rumors circling around that Ric Flair might be joining them in TNA too!

This gets a plus 4...I wanted to give it more, but it depends how they're going to be used. If they (and by they, I mean Hogan) are going to try and hold down younger talent, then that sucks. But if they use them right and try to build up the younger wrestlers and the company overall (to rival the WWE), then this could be one huge load of awesomeness that the Wrestling Gods just busted in their pants.

Yeah...graphic, but you smell what I'm cookin.

James Franco Gucci ad

2009-10-28T10:26:00.003-04:00

James Franco gets a plus 5 for this hilarious Gucci "ad" that's featured on FunnyorDie.com where he rips on himself for not being able to say the word "Gucci" correctly.

Ironic thing is he's actually the face of Gucci's new fragrance, "Gucci by Gucci." High-five James...you had me LOL'ing.

Adam Lambert album cover

2009-10-28T10:15:00.002-04:00

Adam Lambert debuted the cover art for his upcoming album, For Your Entertainment, and I gotta say...I'm not feelin it at all. When I first looked at the picture (and didn't notice his name at the top), I thought it was a chick and tried figuring out who it is.

I get that he's going for the whole glamorous look, but minus 3 points for not looking like yourself but actually looking like the opposite sex.

Roman Polanski rape victim speaks

2009-10-27T11:05:00.003-04:00

Samantha Geimer, the chick who got raped by Roman Polanski when she was 13 years old, wants the charges against him dropped and the media storm to stop. She said she's had offers for interviews from over 500 media outlets, including Oprah, but she just wants it to go away and she's publicly forgiven Roman for swiping her V-card when she wasn't exactly all for it.

Plus 4 points to Samantha for trying to end all this bullshizzle, because it's more annoying that getting a sweat rash on your inner thighs from running on the treadmill.

Lamar and Khloe WILL divorce

2009-10-27T10:59:00.003-04:00

Minus 5 points to Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian for not only making the celeb news once again, but also idiotardedly dooming their marriage. Everyone knows that the WORST thing you can do for the luck of your marriage is get a spouse-related tattoo, and that's just what Lamar and Khloe did. They got each other's initials tatted on their hands -- Lamar has "KO" and Khloe has "LO."

I officially give this marriage 3 years, tops.

Bruce Springsteen cancels performance

2009-10-27T10:46:00.003-04:00

Bruce Springsteen cancelled a scheduled performance in Kansas City the other day, but that's not why we're throwing out a minus 2. The reason for the cancellation was because one of The Boss' crew members died -- and it just so happened to be his 36-year-old cousin. So that's why this fails, because family deaths suck moldy poo.

Our thoughts go out to Bruce and his family.

Chris Farley Direct TV ad

2009-10-27T10:40:00.004-04:00

A brand new Direct TV commercial came out featuring the famous "fat guy in a little coat" scene that David Spade and Chris Farley did for Tommy Boy. Apparently, people have been blasting the ad, saying that it's too soon and disrespectful to Chris.

Really? Okay then, let's never show Black Sheep, Tommy Boy, Billy Madison, or any other movie he's been in, because it's disrespectful to display him even though he's dead. While we're at it, let's just burn every tape of him on Saturday Night Live, and sue anyone who searches for him on Google.

He's been dead since 1997...that's 12 years, ya jackasses. Get over it, and take a minus 8 for your troubles.

Imogen Heap's Thriller cover

2009-10-27T10:34:00.003-04:00

There are some songs that I make a mess in my pants over when acoustic versions are released, whether they're acoustic originals or acoustic covers.

Imogen Heap covered MJ's Thriller on the ole piano, and I'm giving it a minus 3. I hate saying it because I get that it's a tribute, but it sucks. Really. I feel like I could make a better song if I farted the ABC's.

Ricky Gervais hosting Golden Globes

2009-10-27T10:23:00.002-04:00

Plus 3 points to the news that Ricky Gervais is hosting the Golden Globes. The show hasn't had a host since 1995, but they decided to bring back a host for this year's, and they're going with one of the funniest Brits out there.

And before you ask, no...I don't consider Russell Brand to be a funny Brit. He sucks more than his greasy creepy hair.

Shauna Sand wants you to see her get railed

2009-10-26T11:01:00.003-04:00

Last week, word came out that a sex tape featuring that human semen dumpster Shauna Sand getting nailed by her current boyfriend is going to be released by Vivid Entertainment. Shauna put up a fight and said that she never approved of the release, but we're getting word that she actually signed off on the deal.

Minus 5 for trying to act like the opposite of the slut that we all know you are.

Ivanka Trump married

2009-10-26T10:38:00.004-04:00

Congrats go out to Ivanka Trump, who was married yesterday to her long-time boyfriend Jared Kushner. It all went down at the Trump National Golf Club in Jersey.

Plus 6 points go Ivanka for getting hitched, but minus 3 points for getting married in a state that smells like dripping sumo bumhole and rotten skunks, for an overall score of plus 3.

Brad Pitt motorcycle crash

2009-10-26T10:33:00.003-04:00

Settle down you hosebags if you're all worked up...Brad Pitt is fine. He didn't get into a serious motorcycle crash, more like a bar-bender. He was riding over the weekend on his days old bike when he tried maneuvering between a parked car and another car that was stopped at a red light, when his handlebars caught the sideview mirror of the parked car and he took a tumble.

Plus 2 points to Brad for showing that celebs make mistakes just like us regular folk, and also because I f*cking HATE when people on motorcycles think it's cool to weave in and out of traffic just because they're smaller/skinnier than someone in a car. Can't tell you how many times I've been tempted to open my door so they eat pavement.

Tom Sizemore sued

2009-10-26T10:27:00.003-04:00

Tom Sizemore is being sued by his ex-girlfriend Jinele McIntire for being a total dead beat dad. Jinele said that Tom owes her almost $60,000 in child support and hasn't seen their 4-year-old twins since he taped the reality show Sober House earlier in the year.

Minus 5 to Tom, because all dead beat dads should be shot directly in the bumhole with a BB gun.

Andrew Lloyd Webber has cancer

2009-10-26T10:20:00.003-04:00

Andrew Lloyd Webber announced that he has prostate cancer over the weekend. Luckily, the doctors caught it early and rumor has it he'll be back to work by the end of the year.

I was originally gonna throw out a minus 3 to ALW for having horrible plastic surgery (oh hi there, Mickey Rourke lips), but I felt guilty, so the minus 3 goes to cancer sucking ass.

Nicole Kidman blames Hollywood for women beating

2009-10-22T11:19:00.002-04:00

Nicole Kidman is blaming Hollywood for all of the violence out there against women.

THIS JUST IN! Marilyn Manson's music is responsible for all the school shootings that have ever happened. Shut the f*ck up Nicole, you STARRED IN A MOVIE about a dude (Billy Zane) that tries to kill a chick (you). Minus 7 for being a total assbag.

MJ's kids involved in crash

2009-10-22T11:13:00.003-04:00

Michael Jackson's kids were involved in a car crash yesterday on their way to karate class...well...kinda. There was a whole caravan of cars surrounding the car the kids were actually in, and some douchebag paparazzo decided it'd be a good idea to chase the caravan around to try and grab pics. He ended up slamming into one of the cars in the caravan, but not the one the kids were in.

Minus 5 for d*ckbag photogs that can't let the kids do something as simple as going to a frickin karate class without having to deal with shizz.

Miles Brown dances his ass off on Ellen

2009-10-22T11:05:00.003-04:00

Gotta give a sa-weet plus 6 to 4-year-old Miles Brown, who was a guest on Ellen yesterday and set the dancefloor on fire. Of course, that was after he sat on the couch and talked/acted like little 4-year-olds do: cutely. Check out the video of his appearance below...kid's hilarious and is a sick dancer.

Bronson Pinchot trashes Tom Cruise

2009-10-22T10:55:00.002-04:00

YESSSSSSSSS!!! High-five and plus 9 points go out to Bronson Pinchot, who is most famously known as playing Balki Bartokomus on Perfect Strangers (a show that totally reeked of stellarocity when I was a kid) for bashing Tom Cruise. Bronson starred in Risky Business with Tom, and said that he was a total bore, called everyone by their character names, and always found a way to make awkward gay comments.

Bronson is the sh*t. He came across like a total creepy perv on his season of The Surreal Life, but he's still the sh*t because Balki is God.

Jason Mesnick finally proposes to the 2nd girl he picked

2009-10-22T10:43:00.002-04:00

Remember that uber-tool Jason who was The Bachelor and ended up picking Melissa Rycroft in the finale, then during the reunion show, dumped Melissa for the runner-up Molly? Yeah, well Jason finally proposed to Molly, and she said yes.

Minus 5 points for him taking up space on gossip blogs again. Go away.

Miley still getting crap for her Sex and the City cameo

2009-10-22T10:37:00.004-04:00

Miley Cyrus has been getting crap from a ton of different media outlets for being only 16 (going on 17 soon) and making a cameo in the R-rated Sex and the City 2, meanwhile she's supposed to be the face of Disney because of Hannah Montana.

Got news for you kids -- she's NOT the face of Disney anymore and she's moving on with her career. A Sex and the City 2 cameo is a mega step up, and she gets plus 3 points for ignoring the haters.

P.S. I'm saying that we see her in a topless scene in a movie by the time she's 20.

Sam Jones arrested

2009-10-22T10:31:00.002-04:00

Smallville actor Sam Jones was arrested yesterday in a drug bust, which is always good for the ole Hollywood resume. Sam got nailed trying to sell more than 10,000 pills of oxycodone and faces up to 20 years in prison.

Minus 4 points to me for not even realizing Smallville is still on the air.

T.R. Knight is on the prowl

2009-10-22T10:23:00.003-04:00

Fellas, T.R. Knight is back on the market if you're interested. He just split from his 20-year-old boyfriend (T.R. is 36) the other day, saying that there's no hard feelings and the relationship just came to its natural end.

Minus 2 points for...uhh...well I guess Mark since he's probably a little heartbroken.

Hulk Hogan almost killed Hulkamania

2009-10-21T11:44:00.002-04:00

Ya know, part of me actually feels bad for Hulk Hogan. It's like ever since he's retired from wrestling, he needs some sort of void to fill the emptyness that'll also let him still be in the limelight...which is why he's turned into a reality TV whore. On top of that, he's releasing a "behind the scenes" type book of his life, where he dishes that he almost killed himself one night. Apparently, he downed some Xanax and rum, grabbed a gun and had his finger on the trigger when he got a call from his American Gladiators co-host Laila Ali, who thought he looked depressed at the tapings earlier in the day.

Minus 3 to Hulkster for even putting this in a book. I mean, not only does it make you look like a weak, pathetic person (sorry if that's harsh, but I have my reasons), but I also slightly don't believe it. You're telling me that while you had your finger on the trigger and were trying to work up the courage to pull it, you got a phone call that made you not do it? How movie-like, Hulk. You're killing your legacy.

Kim Kardashian wants a baby

2009-10-21T11:37:00.002-04:00

Kim Kardashian is talking about wanting a baby by the end of next year in the latest issue of Life & Style magazine. I feel real bad for her -- she ended up breaking up with Reggie Bush about a month or so ago, then found out Kourtney was knocked up. She got all sentimental and wanted to give it another go with Reggie, and it didn't work out. Then 2 weeks ago, Khloe randomly gets hitched to Lamar Odom, and now she's back together with Reggie and wanting a baby.

Minus 5 points to Kim for feeling like she's left out of the mix. But hey, look at it this way Kim...neither of your sisters have one-upped you in the sex tape department...yet!

KANYE WEST DEAD!!

2009-10-21T11:28:00.002-04:00

Okay, so he's not really dead, but "RIP Kanye West" was a trend on Twitter earlier today (and was still up there at least check a couple hours ago.)

This gets minus 4 points for not being true -- partly because I hate him, but mostly because it's gotta suck to be a friend or family member and see/hear about that and wonder what's going on. Then again, if Kanye was dead, you know his ghost would cut off all the newscasts -- "Yo Imma let you finish, but I just wanted to let you all know I'm dead. But Imma keep makin music in Heaven with Jesus so ya'll can listen when you get up here. KANYE UNIVERSITY 4EVA!!"

Or something like that.

Natalie Coughlin booted from DWTS

2009-10-21T11:19:00.003-04:00

Natalie Coughlin was booted from Dancing with the Stars last night after she got the lowest votes from America.

She's hot, but it's not like she was a favorite, so this gets no score. It'll be sad to not see her hotness, but it's not like we're going to miss anything from not seeing her dance.

Kate Gosselin gets a one-hour special

2009-10-21T11:05:00.002-04:00

The final episode of Kate Plus 8 will be pretty much an hour-long question and answer session with Kate Gosselin where she'll talk "about life, the show, and moving on."

Minus 28 points because I'm so f*cking fed up with all things Gosselin that I'm tempted to grab a pig from Mexico and lock it in their house so they all get swine flu and go away. (Okay, well not so much the kids as Jon and Kate).

Weezy headed to jail...again?

2009-10-21T10:58:00.003-04:00

Plus 6 points goes toward the fact that Lil Wayne might be headed back to jail on gun charges (shocker, I know). He's tied to a gun that was found on his tour bus after a show back in 2007, and a DNA profiling technique could finger him as the owner/user.

He sucks about as much as Kanye, so not having him around will be spectacular. Make it happen, jurors!

Rihanna's playing Russian Roulette

2009-10-21T10:45:00.002-04:00

Plus 8 points to whoever thought of wrapping Rihanna in barbed wire for the cover art for her new single, Russian Roulette. Rihanna's hot alone, but wrap her in barbed wire and...oh man.

Bethenny Frankel pregnant

2009-10-21T10:39:00.002-04:00

Well, Bethenny Frankel can say goodbye to that sa-weet bikini body. Turns out just a day after news broke that she was officially engaged to her now-fiance Jason Hoppy (who proposed MONTHS ago but didn't get an answer until recently), Bethenny hit up her Twitter page to tell peeps she's knocked up. She said she wanted to be straight up with us, but was forced to come forward early.

Plus 3 points to Bethenny for working on preventing another Hollywood bastard child. Well, she gets points for that, and also for obviously setting up a situation that's going to be a trainwreck, because they're clearly only getting married so soon because of the baby. I give it 3 years.