Susan Boyle will be on Dancing with the Stars

Susan Boyle will be appearing on Dancing with the Stars, but thankfully for anyone with eyeballs that can actually see, we won't have to watch her cut a rug. She's gonna be performing I Dreamed a Dream on an upcoming episode.

Minus 4 for really no other reason than I feel like the whole Susan Boyle ship has sailed. Anyone else agree?

2 couples voted off Dancing with the Stars last night

Totally throwing out a minus 12 to all of you for not voting to keep Iron Chef America star Mark Dacascos on Dancing with the Stars last night. After performing Monday night without his partner Lacey since she was uber sick, he was voted off along with former NFL star Michael Irvin and his partner Anna Demidova.

Okay, so I have a mini man-crush on Mark...ZIP IT!

Natalie Coughlin booted from DWTS

Natalie Coughlin was booted from Dancing with the Stars last night after she got the lowest votes from America.

She's hot, but it's not like she was a favorite, so this gets no score. It'll be sad to not see her hotness, but it's not like we're going to miss anything from not seeing her dance.

Chuck Liddell booted from the dance floor

Chuck Liddell was booted from Dancing with the Stars last night after receiving the least amount of votes out of any of the other contestants on the show. Props to Chuck for lasting as long as he did, but plus 4 goes out to all of you for getting him outta there.

Chuck, you should be doing the tango all over someone's face in a cage, not on the dancefloor.

Tom DeLay quits Dancing

Plus 3 points for Tom DeLay quitting Dancing with the Stars because of stress fractures in both feet. Don't get me wrong, he seems like a nice guy, but really...he's not a celebrity. Obama has made himself a celebrity -- thankfully, Tom didn't. On top of that, he was the equivalent to nails on a chalkboard on the dance floor. Ya know...kinda like when it burns while you pee.

Kathy Ireland's off the dance floor

Kathy Ireland was given the boot from Dancing with the Stars last night after she bombed with her dance on Monday night. She actually kinda reminded me of Denise Richards v2.0 for some reason, just really tight and reserved instead of going balls to the walls and having fun.

Plus 7 goes out to all of you who voted for other people!

Everyone hates Maksim...and I love it.

The broken engagement of Dancing with the Stars pro dancers Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Karina Smirnoff gets a minus 4 from me, not because it's a broken-up couple, but because I wasted so much f*cking time writing about how in love these 2 douchebags were and how quick they were deciding to get married. I actually called their break-up MONTHS ago, so I get plus 24 points for being the sh*t.

Dancing with the Stars fight!

A big plus 8 points goes out to Joanna Krupa and Maksim Chmerkovskiy, who aren't even partners for the new season of Dancing with the Stars but they're talking sh*t about each other. Why'd I give an argument a plus 8? I'm sick of seeing everyone so happy and loving to each other -- I wanna see a knockdown dragout on the dance floor!